Wanted by the FBI: Mix
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $20,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Mix.
Mix has the following tattoos: a injured person on their lower back; a really tough guy atop a boy mayor of secondlife on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a mad cow on their forehead.
Mix is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera politely attacking the store clerk with a pistol. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $8000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Mix two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered pistol to a confused homeless person. If you see Mix, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Mix to be as “cruel-hearted, flexible, and a terrible dresser to boot.”