Yavuz Sultan Selim

iUniverse Publishing presents…

The Taming of the pea-brained mad cow, by Yavuz Sultan Selim

”My dear Yavuz Sultan Selim! You’ll never know how much I truly love you!” said the mad cow

“As do I” Yavuz Sultan Selim replied faithfully. “Alas, our love was not meant to be. After all, you are to be wed to the great duke candlestick maker of Canterbury in the morning!”

“But he is not a world-renown podcast member like you are!” the mad cow cried aloud. “Compared to you, candlestick maker is like a domesticated dingle berry.” The mad cow then spat upon the floor, as to prove her point.

“Oh, my dear pea-brained mad cow, I know all too well what you mean. But that is simply how the world turns. Unless…” Y paused for a moment to think. “No, that would not be the proper Victorian thing to do...”

“What is it Yavuz Sultan Selim, my love?” the mad cow inquired. Yavuz Sultan Selim stared back at her, then broke into a smile. “Unless we elope my love. Come with me, let us run into the night, and make magical love under the moonlight! Maybe we can even do that thing again where you take that pocket flask and shove it up-”

At that very moment, the bedroom door slammed open, shocking the two lovers. “I’m afraid that won’t be happening,” great duke candlestick maker growled, leaning against the door frame. “For tomorrow, after the wedding, mad cow will be pea-brained no longer. As for you, Yavuz Sultan Selim, you will be hanged for your adulterous crimes!”

Purchase a copy of The Taming of the pea-brained mad cow to find out what happens next!

$15.99 Paperback

$13.99 Digital