Vinny Possum

Wanted by the FBI: Vinny Possum

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $32,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Vinny Possum.

Remarks:

Vinny Possum has the following tattoos: a karate master on their lower back; a mediation atop a legend on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a volcanic crater on their forehead.

Details:

Vinny Possum is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera sadly attacking the store clerk with a rough-skinned newt. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $5000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Vinny Possum two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered rough-skinned newt to a confused homeless person. If you see Vinny Possum, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Vinny Possum to be as “startling, filthy, and a terrible dresser to boot.”