vampiresoftware

Wanted by the FBI: vampiresoftware

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $37,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator vampiresoftware.

Remarks:

vampiresoftware has the following tattoos: a deer antler on their lower back; a private investor atop a weed whacker on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a really tough guy on their forehead.

Details:

vampiresoftware is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera loudly attacking the store clerk with a blood splatter. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $7000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted vampiresoftware two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered blood splatter to a confused homeless person. If you see vampiresoftware, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described vampiresoftware to be as “confused, flickering, and a terrible dresser to boot.”