Vampire Software

Wanted by the FBI: Vampire Software

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $47,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Vampire Software.

Remarks:

Vampire Software has the following tattoos: a police squad on their lower back; a blood splatter atop a weed whacker on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a gaming laptop on their forehead.

Details:

Vampire Software is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera correctly attacking the store clerk with a dog poop. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $4000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Vampire Software two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered dog poop to a confused homeless person. If you see Vampire Software, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Vampire Software to be as “vengeful, mischievous, and a terrible dresser to boot.”