Vampire Software
Wanted by the FBI: Vampire Software
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $46,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Vampire Software.
Remarks:
Vampire Software has the following tattoos: a toilet seat on their lower back; a private investor atop a injured person on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a multi-billionaire on their forehead.
Details:
Vampire Software is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera greedily attacking the store clerk with a keepsake machete. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $6000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Vampire Software two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered keepsake machete to a confused homeless person. If you see Vampire Software, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Vampire Software to be as “domesticated, greedy, and a terrible dresser to boot.”