iUniverse Publishing presents…

The Taming of the primitive mess, by Turkeyvolume

”My dear Turkeyvolume! You’ll never know how much I truly love you!” said the mess

“As do I” Turkeyvolume replied happily. “Alas, our love was not meant to be. After all, you are to be wed to the great duke pervert of Canterbury in the morning!”

“But he is not a world-renown podcast member like you are!” the mess cried aloud. “Compared to you, pervert is like a rancid background story.” The mess then spat upon the floor, as to prove her point.

“Oh, my dear primitive mess, I know all too well what you mean. But that is simply how the world turns. Unless…” T paused for a moment to think. “No, that would not be the proper Victorian thing to do...”

“What is it Turkeyvolume, my love?” the mess inquired. Turkeyvolume stared back at her, then broke into a smile. “Unless we elope my love. Come with me, let us run into the night, and make pea-brained love under the moonlight! Maybe we can even do that thing again where you take that bag of drugs and shove it up-”

At that very moment, the bedroom door slammed open, shocking the two lovers. “I’m afraid that won’t be happening,” great duke pervert growled, leaning against the door frame. “For tomorrow, after the wedding, mess will be primitive no longer. As for you, Turkeyvolume, you will be hanged for your adulterous crimes!”

Purchase a copy of The Taming of the primitive mess to find out what happens next!

$15.99 Paperback

$13.99 Digital