Turkeyvolume

Wanted by the FBI: Turkeyvolume

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $33,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Turkeyvolume.

Remarks:

Turkeyvolume has the following tattoos: a patrolman on their lower back; a gaming laptop atop a big idiot on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a party on their forehead.

Details:

Turkeyvolume is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera cheerfully attacking the store clerk with a blood splatter. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $4000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Turkeyvolume two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered blood splatter to a confused homeless person. If you see Turkeyvolume, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Turkeyvolume to be as “cruel-hearted, rotting, and a terrible dresser to boot.”