Wanted by the FBI: Spaced God
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $35,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Spaced God.
Spaced God has the following tattoos: a travel guidebook on their lower back; a sandwich atop a dragon on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a skinny woman on their forehead.
Spaced God is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera seriously attacking the store clerk with a corn cake. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $8000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Spaced God two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered corn cake to a confused homeless person. If you see Spaced God, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Spaced God to be as “shaky, sickened, and a terrible dresser to boot.”