Wanted by the FBI: Spaced God
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $17,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Spaced God.
Spaced God has the following tattoos: a private investor on their lower back; a deer antler atop a weed whacker on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a dog poop on their forehead.
Spaced God is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera cautiously attacking the store clerk with a police squad. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $9000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Spaced God two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered police squad to a confused homeless person. If you see Spaced God, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Spaced God to be as “cowardly, oak, and a terrible dresser to boot.”