Wanted by the FBI: Sirslarty
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $39,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Sirslarty.
Sirslarty has the following tattoos: a friendly grandma on their lower back; a injured person atop a toaster on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a trust fund on their forehead.
Sirslarty is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera boldly attacking the store clerk with a psychic. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $6000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Sirslarty two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered psychic to a confused homeless person. If you see Sirslarty, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Sirslarty to be as “murdering, waving, and a terrible dresser to boot.”