Gyro

Wanted by the FBI: Gyro

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $20,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Gyro.

Remarks:

Gyro has the following tattoos: a coffee pot on their lower back; a dog poop atop a sneaky criminal on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a lettuce on their forehead.

Details:

Gyro is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera enormously attacking the store clerk with a therapist. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $9000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Gyro two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered therapist to a confused homeless person. If you see Gyro, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Gyro to be as “sleepless, flickering, and a terrible dresser to boot.”