Gyro

Wanted by the FBI: Gyro

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $30,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Gyro.

Remarks:

Gyro has the following tattoos: a therapist on their lower back; a sneaky criminal atop a dingle berry on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a tank on their forehead.

Details:

Gyro is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera happily attacking the store clerk with a puppy. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $7000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Gyro two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered puppy to a confused homeless person. If you see Gyro, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Gyro to be as “narrow-minded, disreputable, and a terrible dresser to boot.”