EldritchHat

iUniverse Publishing presents…

The Taming of the unseeing telephone, by EldritchHat

”My dear EldritchHat! You’ll never know how much I truly love you!” said the telephone

“As do I” EldritchHat replied cautiously. “Alas, our love was not meant to be. After all, you are to be wed to the great duke dog poop of Canterbury in the morning!”

“But he is not a world-renown podcast member like you are!” the telephone cried aloud. “Compared to you, dog poop is like a sadistic big idiot.” The telephone then spat upon the floor, as to prove her point.

“Oh, my dear unseeing telephone, I know all too well what you mean. But that is simply how the world turns. Unless…” E paused for a moment to think. “No, that would not be the proper Victorian thing to do...”

“What is it EldritchHat, my love?” the telephone inquired. EldritchHat stared back at her, then broke into a smile. “Unless we elope my love. Come with me, let us run into the night, and make shaky love under the moonlight! Maybe we can even do that thing again where you take that kitty and shove it up-”

At that very moment, the bedroom door slammed open, shocking the two lovers. “I’m afraid that won’t be happening,” great duke dog poop growled, leaning against the door frame. “For tomorrow, after the wedding, telephone will be unseeing no longer. As for you, EldritchHat, you will be hanged for your adulterous crimes!”


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