Wanted by the FBI: bumpgrrl
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $46,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator bumpgrrl.
bumpgrrl has the following tattoos: a knife on their lower back; a police squad atop a french chef on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a terrible rock band on their forehead.
bumpgrrl is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera cautiously attacking the store clerk with a puppy. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $6000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted bumpgrrl two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered puppy to a confused homeless person. If you see bumpgrrl, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described bumpgrrl to be as “stunned, high-end, and a terrible dresser to boot.”