Boots Raingear

Wanted by the FBI: Boots Raingear

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $17,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Boots Raingear.


Boots Raingear has the following tattoos: a volcanic crater on their lower back; a rabid dog atop a cuddle party on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a terrible rock band on their forehead.


Boots Raingear is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera sharply attacking the store clerk with a karate master. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $4000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Boots Raingear two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered karate master to a confused homeless person. If you see Boots Raingear, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Boots Raingear to be as “fiercely-loyal, sacrificed, and a terrible dresser to boot.”