Birdman is neither Alejandro Iñárritu, nor in any way associated with him. Birdman has no fear of heights and Birdman has no fear of caves. Birdman is often invited to parties – perhaps because he is very handsome. Birdman has never made an unsubstantiated claim. Birdman has been abroad and returned on time; Birdman is a responsible citizen. Birdman has three passports but is not a spy. Birdman is sitting. Birdman is standing. Birdman is walking towards you. Birdman assumes he is welcome in your home until told otherwise. Birdman likes to read terrible things online; Birdman likes to laugh, and sleep. Birdman likes all these three things equally – and all very much indeed. Birdman is happy to be here tonight.