Wanted by the FBI: Beelzeboob
The FBI is offering a reward of up to $11,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Beelzeboob.
Beelzeboob has the following tattoos: a really tough guy on their lower back; a gaming laptop atop a lettuce on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a rabid dog on their forehead.
Beelzeboob is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera briefly attacking the store clerk with a stock car. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $9000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Beelzeboob two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered stock car to a confused homeless person. If you see Beelzeboob, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Beelzeboob to be as “shaky, dour, and a terrible dresser to boot.”