Sirslarty

Wanted by the FBI: Sirslarty

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $17,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Sirslarty.

Remarks:

Sirslarty has the following tattoos: a stock car on their lower back; a broken bra atop a police squad on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a volcanic crater on their forehead.

Details:

Sirslarty is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera correctly attacking the store clerk with a tank. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $5000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Sirslarty two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered tank to a confused homeless person. If you see Sirslarty, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Sirslarty to be as “nighttime, demanding, and a terrible dresser to boot.”