Gyro

Wanted by the FBI: Gyro

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $41,000 for information that leads to the identification, arrest, and conviction of internet commentator Gyro.

Remarks:

Gyro has the following tattoos: a kitty on their lower back; a lettuce atop a mood on their right ankle; and a photo-realistic image of a friendly grandma on their forehead.

Details:

Gyro is wanted for the armed robbery of an adult novelty toy location. They were recorded on camera elegantly attacking the store clerk with a terrible rock band. After the assault, they ransacked the store and ran off, stealing an estimated $7000 worth of used Bad Dragon toys. A second security camera spotted Gyro two blocks down the road, handing the blood-splattered terrible rock band to a confused homeless person. If you see Gyro, call our hotline immediately. Do not attempt to apprehend this suspect on your own, as witnesses have described Gyro to be as “fluffy, sexy, and a terrible dresser to boot.”